For the last 2 days, I’ve struggled to write, and had to go back to the original music I played in the beginning. Yesterday, I couldn’t focus for nothing, despite playing the music, and my Happy Color app, trying to tease myself into writing that night. I eventually wrote some words, but dam was it difficult, and I don’t like that feeling. .
I don’t want to be at the point I’m pulling teeth to write each day.
I’m realizing in my Little’s book, despite the many words already written, I’m having issues with flow, and feeling like I’m not IN the story with each character.
I have some understanding of dialogue, but I know that, and just the whole feel of the story.
In my Angel’s story, I’m quickly IN and can SEE everything, even if I open it and just pick a place to read.
Though all my stories are about various things, none of them have that INness like Angel’s does, and all of these that I’m deciding to work on are in 2018 on up.
I didn’t have a bunch of crap going on back in 2008, so it was easy to write Angel’s, and even the rewrite I started in 2016, I still have that INness.
I think I’m going to have to create the character summary stuff. Write what the story is about, and where it could go. It’ll be fun having more than one way the story can go, and hopefully some of glimpses will show up in it, as I didn’t write any of them down before.
Maybe then I’ll be more IN the story, and the words won’t be WORK.
It’ll be weird to create the summary when I’m already in the middle of the story. Something new to try out.
Thr 3 writing ebooks 1,000 Character Reactions/ Strong Verbs/ Helpful Adjectives, I’ve glanced at them and I think they’ll be helpful, as I definitely need to work on all of those.
The Emotion Thesaurus, and The Emotional Wound Thesaurus by Becca Puglisi are definitely going to come in handy though I do get an understanding of each one to be helpful than just reading each page.
I’m glad these books will definitely help me with creating my characters and all that goes with it.
I don’t even want to get started on settings, describing stuff, but I’m glad now I’m trying to work on all this stuff, and do my best to make my story flow and not sound so choppy and the usual, but that’s where editing will come in, so I’m not worrying about it, too much.
Another thing I’ve been seriously thinking about is sharing a bit of my writing. I feel like some of it is seriously choppy, repeats etc. But I think sharing some lines I actually like and I feel that aren’t bad, I can share something.
I’m no way able to share a whole chapter yet, but some lines I think I can do.
Realizing I’m talking to myself with these posts, but you get a glimpse, and it helps me see my thinking when I reread these at some point.
This year, I’m already writing more, I’ve almost got my daily writing figured out. I’m sharing more of my writing thoughts, and sharing it on my public blog.
Just maybe writing and sharing will be easier and I won’t feel like I want to delete these posts.
Slowly getting to how I am with my poems and then sharing them, honestly, bold, fierce and bleeding on the page.
I realize that I have my months sort of mixed up, I didn’t include August as the month I actually started, but I’m sure my subconscious know what it’s doing so I’ll just go with it.
5 months of working on one story. That truly amazes me. I have to believe this deathly grip of only working on this story, has some reason, that I’ll eventually learn, hopefully.
In December I had my first missed day of writing. I had even written the usual stuff I normally start with before I get to the story writing, but it just wasn’t meant to be. For once it was out of my control, though I made a valiant effort to.
There were a few others that I actually missed, but I managed to write at the 12am mark for them, so I felt ok about those. Having busy days sucks, and messes with my energy to write when I do.
Though I was pretty bummed about that missed day, I managed to write a bit more to make up for it. I reasoned with myself that Little One understood, and would be good knowing I did make an effort.
I struggled like hell in December, just as bad as August, though August was worse. I was severely grateful I had the writing and music to focus on every single day.
Maybe this is why Little One had me start his book in August. He knew these 2 particular months would be difficult, and he gave me something to focus on, that I couldn’t say no to, or deny it was important I write this.
So I’ve not questioned this guidance on this, and don’t really care how it might make me look to others. I struggle like hell with my grief-loss so if I can have ways to make it bearable, and ways to keep living, I’ll take it.
I’ve been doing well with the story, but I get the feeling that my struggle in Dec, and the months since August have made the words, just words to get the words in for the night/morning.
So tonight, I took a few deep breaths, started playing the music I played when I first started writing it in August, and the words flowed, and they weren’t just words.
I’ll start doing that mini change and see if it helps. I don’t want to be filling it words just to get them in.
Though, I will realize I struggled in December, so I will be gentle on myself. I did manage to write every single day despite the struggle, and not being in the xmas spirit, again.
I’m at 51k words. I wonder if the shock will wear off at some point for me, that I’ve actually written that many words and still going.
I’ve reread my writing each night, only the night before’s. It helps me remember where I am in the story. A new thing for me. Normally I’d reread from the first day on, but this time, nope. I’m learning to just go with it.
I already know severe editing will be needed so those 50k words won’t be there for long.
I want to start thinking of an ending, though I’m no way near that right now. It would be amazing to finish by August 1st. Just a thought, but I think I’ll know when it’s time for an ending. So no rush.
Tonight’s writing, I had another glimpse of where things might be going. At this point, I don’t know if I’m going to follow any of these glimpses, but it’s a different feeling just going along with the story, and "feeling" these glimpses of where the characters could go, if they’d take a particular glimpse or not. It’s an exciting feeling, and again so new to me.
I’m growing in my story writing, that’s an amazing feeling. I have a few writing ebooks now that are on character and emotions and such things, that are story related. I can’t wait to read them, and learn things.
As I know there are plenty of things I shouldn’t be doing as I go along, but just knowing I have these new ebooks to guide me, I’m confident and hopeful, that I’ll actually finish this book, and even get to the amazing editing I hear/see writers/authors creators talk about.
For some reason, I’ve settled on writing about the month before writing things. What I’ve thought, and what I want to do going forward. A way for me to see where my mind’s at and where it’s going.
I’m slowly talking about my story in these posts, and maybe even actually say what I have going on, but for now until I’m more aware of what and where the story’s going, I’ll keep the veil on things.
This is new for me though, I didn’t have veils on my stories in my younger years, or even on the various stories I’ve been writing since 2018.
Even Angel’s story I didn’t/don’t have veils on it. Things are clear and I have a sort of clear view of where the story’s going, though I have a feeling once I get the chance to work on it again, that might not be the case.
I’m starting to realize I can’t possibly call myself a young adult writer, which I considered very young kids to teens.
My story’s are in the teen and adults, and this particular story is turning out to be teen/adult, though the more I work on it, I’ll have a better idea of where I’m at with it.
This story is giving me the chance to figure out what genre it is, and what I’d like to write in, but I’d have to write more books to figure that out, but it’s so fun moving to this type of thinking.
Moving from I’m a writer, and slowing figuring out what I actually like to write, and having ideas of having more stories in those genres.
I’ve always thought I’d just write short stories, with an occasional full length book.
I didn’t start actual book writing until 2008 when I created Angel’s story.
Through the years there have been others for the book concept, but none of them stuck, until 2018-2020 and I started on these stories: Their Love, Getting Away, River of Pain, SOL/Gone Too Soon, Hellbound, and lastly Little One’s book.
I thought Angel’s story, would be my only book at that time. The other stories I’ve written since then haven’t made a dent in my creating juices like these 6 stories.
This year, I created a story that is at 50,766 words, and I had no idea such a story could come out of me with that amount of words. Never dreamed I’d be writing a 50k book, and still going.
This shows me my mindset has finally changed, and I finally can call myself a writer of stories, and really feel it in my soul.
Though, now I need to figure out what genres I write in as I know it’ll be in various ones, if these 6 stories have any say in where I might end up.
Though Little One’s book, has taken my full focus since August 1st of this year, I’m hoping I can work on the other stories, and hopefully get them at 50k and above.
Writing Little’s One book, has given me the ability to finally be able to write every single day for a month. The ability to stay focused on a story with music, and using the emotions and thoughts it’s given me, to write those things into actual words.
This new year, I hope to work on those other wips, along with Little’s book, and move them forward, taking everything I’ve learned while writing Little’s book.
I had no idea how important writing Little One’s book, would take over my writing, being able to write a story that has everything I’ve ever wanted to write about, but being too scared to, and didn’t think I could write it period.
This story has bits and pieces of every story I’ve ever written and couldn’t finish for whatever reason. I’m finally ok with that. As I feel like each story was just me writing out each emotion, and not have any of them take root like Angel’s story or the current others, that I want to definitely finish.
I’ve been writing since I was 12, diaries, journals, and then found my way to writing my own stories around 13-14. They have all been short stories.
Then at 24, 2008, I created Angel’s story, and I’ve been writing on it for years. Was at 10k, and then in 2016, I finally started working on it again, and sort of started over, and have been working on it ever since, here and there.
This story was a hint of me writing about something I dreamed about, and it’s grown into a story that will become a book, and even others at some point.
This same year, I wrote my first poem Little One, about my son. I haven’t looked back. At some point I intend to make a poem book of his poems. A book about my various thoughts etc may be in another book, not sure.
This new year for my writing, it’s nice thinking of goals now, and hopefully meeting them.
Can’t wait to see what I create this year, and hopefully to finish some of the stories to completion.
I’m now at 4 months of writing on Little One’s book. I wrote every day in Nov. I completed my 10k goal for NaNo.
On Dec 1st, I came up with the tentative title of Caleb’s Journey. I already know this will change, and that’s another first for me. I normally stay with a title when I come up with it and I don’t charge it.
Today was my first day since I’ve started this story journey, where I didn’t feel like writing a single word. At all. I played some music and just took breaks, and wrote what I could.
I don’t feel bad for not wanting to write for once, but I pushed past that feeling and emotions, just took the time to write no matter how long it took to get some decent amount of words in.
I’m being reminded that editing is going to be my friend whenever this story is done. There’s so many repeats, probably some words I can rephrase, and a bunch of stuff I know I want to take out etc.
Right now though, I’m just staying focused on getting the words in, getting the setting, and figuring out where the story will go, without trying to write things down, so I can actually figure it out.
Since I’ve been writing for the last month, I was debating if I should even take the time to write these out anymore. I guess it’s my own way of seeing my progress on a story, and being more open and honest, somewhere else besides just to myself.
I might move them to every other month for public posts and just keep doing my own personal posts, as I’ve been doing them.
I have been writing every day though on this story, and that makes me feel accomplished, and feeling like I’ve done something for the day.
When I write each day/night, I’ve not aimed for a certain goal, except to always try and get past 200 words each session, and only less of that if I’ve had a very long busy day that leads into my regular writing time.
Writing less than 200 I do feel disappointed when that happens, but thankfully I’ve not had a bunch of those nights.
The story is slowly coming along, and at times that’s mentally annoying, I know there’s a reason for it, or at least hope there’s a reason, by the end of this.
I may or may not write again for the next month, and just wait until I have something more to write about, but I’ll keep my personal posts as my track schedule.
Will see how this month ends to see if there’s a post for next month.
Despite how unmotivated I was feeling tonight, I’m grateful for the determination to get the words in no matter what. Also the idea of disappointing Little One, is way to negative to think about, so I’m glad I got the words in, even if it took longer to get in, than all the other nights.
Can’t wait to see what I have to update about next time.